Becoming a mother is a life-changing experience that brings a lot of joy and excitement. However, it is also a time that can be filled with anxiety and stress. Postpartum anxiety is a common experience for many new mothers, yet it is not talked about as much as postpartum depression. When I was pregnant I was convinced I would never be impacted by PPD or PPA and once I had our baby, I still was naive to these things and what the signs were. I just figured all of the symptoms were normal postpartum symptoms and that it was normal to feel all of these things with a new baby.
Postpartum anxiety can manifest in many different ways. Some women may experience constant worry and fear about their baby's health and safety, while others may feel anxious about leaving their baby alone or going out in public or you may feel all of it. Just within her first week of life I was experiencing these symptoms but didn't identify it as postpartum anxiety. I would go to bed at night and would hear her crying even though she was peacefully asleep, I would take a shower and would hear her screaming even though she was perfectly ok in her dad's arms. The phantom crying was the first sign that I ignored. I guess I just assumed that this was something all moms experienced.
There are many, many nights where I will lay awake just listening to my baby breathe because I have such a fear that she will stop breathing, even though she is perfectly healthy. There are many times when we have something planned and I think of all of the possible things that could go wrong and could happen to my baby. Like extreme things. For example, when we would go out on the boat, I think "what if she falls into the lake", "what if she falls in between the boat and the dock", "what if the boat sinks", etc. Such irrational thoughts of things that would not happen. These thoughts are all-consuming and take so much of my energy and I felt absolutely ridiculous having these thoughts. The racing thoughts and irrational fears are probably my biggest symptom because it happens almost before every outing with my baby. I constantly worry. I have learned how to put on a brave face during these outings but on the inside, I cannot relax. The thoughts and fears are constant.
And my trust in people that were with my baby. I couldn't trust anyone with her. I would almost turn into a crazy helicopter mom hoovering over them with my baby or I would have to consume myself with chores so I didn't lose my mind. This was a symptom that lasted for a short while but it was something that really consumed me. I even had trouble trusting my husband with our baby, which is completely ridiculous! I would worry about her crying and them not knowing how to help her and it would completely stress me out. The thought of leaving her with someone destroyed me, even if was for a quick shower.
After doing more research on postpartum anxiety, I learned that what I am experiencing is a form of PPA. These intrusive thoughts take over my mind and have taken away a lot from my experiences with my daughter. PPA has taken the joy out of so many moments with her. While pregnant, the doctors focused so much on postpartum depression and barely touched on postpartum anxiety so it was only natural that I would have felt these feelings just came along with being a new mom.
My advice for a mom experiencing these feelings is to do your research! Look into unique ways to help yourself cope in these high moments of anxiety and find an outlet that helps you in those moments. Self-care is also crucial during this time. Try to get enough rest, eat healthy foods, and try to get some fresh air. Take breaks when you need them and don't be afraid to ask for help from family and friends. Do not feel afraid to speak with your spouse, friends, or family about these feelings you are having. It will make things easier to have a support system.
Remember, postpartum anxiety is a common experience and you are not alone. With the right support and self-care, you can overcome this challenge and enjoy your journey as a new mother.
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